It snowed where I live this weekend. It's feeling more and more like winter and the holidays. We put up lights, a beautiful Christmas tree, and a nativity is on display. Beautiful family traditions.
Living in a suburb, we are far removed from the downtown, city center. There isn't an obvious presence of abject poverty and homelessness on display, out here in the 'burbs. I live far from the skyscrapers and concrete jungle. Maybe that's why I'm not "numb" and overwhelmed when I see a panhandler on the street corner holding a "need work" sign, or the bag lady under a bridge, wrapped in a shoddy blanket. I still have room for compassion, because it's not my every day, up close.
It would be hard to see that every day, without turning a blind eye. Even if you want to help, you can't help everyone. That's true. In my world I may not regularly see the weathered, scruffy man, walking to a shelter, hoping to have a warm place to sleep on a freezing night... But I know him...well. He's not a stranger. This IS the life my baby brother has lived.
Jeff has survived on the streets about half his adult life. He's almost 49, and one of Oklahoma's most chronic "mentally ill." He has had every diagnosis the DSM-5 lists as a serious mental illness. You name it, the psych pros have labeled him with it. That's interesting in itself.(https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm
)
Jeff's lastest diagnosis is Schizo-Affective Disorder. When someone asks me what that is, I say (to keep it simple) it's like a combo of Schizophrenia and Manic-Depressive/Bipolar disorder. These have recently been described as spectrum disorders, because no one case is the same. Very complex.
Schizophrenia affects 1% of the U.S. population. It is still one of the leading causes of mental disability, i.e., the most debilitating and serious. That's 3.5 million Americans https://sardaa.org/resources/about-schizophrenia/ suffering with this diagnosis.
There are no long-term hospitals to care for them. Families of those with Schizophrenia are sometimes destroyed, and it is all too common that some of them give up on their loved ones. You may think you wouldn't, but you've no idea. It can be impossible to have a delusional person living with you, because the delusions lie to that person, and the lies can make that person angry. Then, you have to turn them out, and
NOTHING ON EARTH BREAKS A FAMILY'S HEART MORE
But it's literally impossible to handle a seriously delusional person - no matter how much you love them. It becomes too scary, at times.
No one WANTS to turn their loved one away.
TRUTH:
We've lived this reality with Jeff since about 1990.
We know what we are talking about when this family says there are no good options
and there NEEDS to be!
We have not been idle, and when I say we -
mostly our dear mother.
She's quite the warrior, but she has been ignored.
It has taken too many years for the system to start understanding the FACTS of Jeff's life and take us seriously.
The FAMILY should always be a part of the "treatment team" - especially in these most dire cases. No one cares more, and wants them to be well, more than family. Finally, this year, some professionals have started listening. But it's only just beginning.
Things need to move much, MUCH faster.
Yes, I see "Jeff" in the faces of other shattered lives.
He is:
the man in line at a food kitchen. He is the loner on city transit, the voice ranting on a veteran's hotline. He is part of the growing community of criminalized mentally ill, the fringe of society - misunderstood, mistreated, mistaken for bad, but mostly just suffering.They are under the radar of every day eyes. Day in, day out, numb and on overwhelm.
In a country full of resources and philanthropic organizations, with plenty of wealthy citizens, it's confounding to wrap my head around how this happens and why it persists. The only thing I can come up with is - it's too hard.
You may not think it directly affects you, but I know your taxes disagree...
The desire has to be there. I get that. Without a personal connection to a problem, and all the issues everyone deals with in life, there's no "GIVE" left, for things that are "too hard."
Believe-you-me, I've thrown my share of pennies over my shoulder,
into the wishing well, hoping for help for my brother,
and I've closed my eyes tight when a shooting star dashes across the night sky,
hoping beyond help that something improves. If only.
into the wishing well, hoping for help for my brother,
and I've closed my eyes tight when a shooting star dashes across the night sky,
hoping beyond help that something improves. If only.
If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, it'd be Christmas every day...........
Our family contacts legislature, calls/emails caregivers,
talks to attorneys, orders records, does research, shares articles,
posts information, looks for new studies.
talks to attorneys, orders records, does research, shares articles,
posts information, looks for new studies.
We are 365/24/7 weary.
We spend all our spare time working toward the goal of helping Jeff.
And helping Jeff will ultimately help EVERYONE else.
These are America's lost souls. They wake up to a cold reception, most days.
Society ostracizes them, offering fearful glances and scorn, instead of solutions and the gentle care they desperately need. These folks are avoided and treated badly.
Have you ever distanced yourself on a sidewalk to not come face-to-face with a homeless man? I admit it...I have. I am human and fallible. But then I remind myself, HE is the face of humanity, and I am ashamed of my fear.
Shame can be a good tool, teaching us basic decency,
engaging our consciences to rise instead of fall.
I want hearts to twinge with a slight pang, to create a spark - initiating possible new ways to make this harsh world a better place, one small gesture at a time. A bit of insight. How else would you know if it's never been described to you, and since it's not your brother?
It'll take a lot of new perspectives to
shift the axis from negative to positive -
from hopeless to hopeful.
The scales have been tipped against these
least of society for so long, it seems like
nothing can be done to lift that heavy weight
back to restoration. But that is unacceptable.
In America, we shouldn't have lost souls...
Humans need and long for love. Without love, we wither and fade. I'm sure there are statistics proving we die sooner without it. So, what's the deal? Is there not enough love to go around? I surmise there is definitely enough, but we are too wrapped up in first-world problems to realize how much better everything would be if we could demonstrate a heartfelt gesture, or show some love every so often. We need to see through a lens of compassion, listen with an open heart. Do something nice for a stranger and don't expect anything in return. This will get things moving. It's the whole "random acts of kindness," thing. Such a great phrase. I'm sure this idea caught on because it's doable, and EVERYONE can participate. The ironic thing is,
JEFF is the most generous person I've ever met.
He gives everything he has to someone that's worse off than he is.
Jeff's heart is a LION HEART of compassion.
He gives everything he has to someone that's worse off than he is.
Jeff's heart is a LION HEART of compassion.
He teaches me lessons all the time.
I'm fairly certain Jeff feels like he IS a lost soul. We speak with him, daily, and try to give him hope. It's hard to know what to say when he's in a cell by himself.
This is hard to write about. It's a lame attempt to show the world my brother's point of view. (Not his current jail experience, but how it would be on a "normal" day, when he's not being criminalized.) From "Jeff's" POV, rarely is a smile offered, or kind word extended.
This is hard to write about. It's a lame attempt to show the world my brother's point of view. (Not his current jail experience, but how it would be on a "normal" day, when he's not being criminalized.) From "Jeff's" POV, rarely is a smile offered, or kind word extended.
Could you live your life without any REAL human interaction?
If only our everyday hearts had time to reach out and offer a handshake,
a hug, a scarf, a cup of coffee...these would be good starting points.
Things like this - simple human interaction - might just prevent a delusional moment leading to an arrest, because there aren't appropriate options to actually HELP the mentally ill, thus
they go to jail, they go directly to jail. They do not pass go, they do not collect $200!!!
If only we could draw a card, buy a railroad and sell some real estate for the win.
Not quite...
It IS about $money$, though,
and how much is wasted when
the forced drug treatment doesn't help some of the most chronic
mentally ill. We still haven't learned.
It may seem thankless, but random acts of kindness may just save a ton of tax dollars. How? If that lonely soul could feel cared about more, that might mean they won't end up in jail. Jail is expensive. That money could better be used, rather than punitively. It's a sad state of affairs in America right now, that it's come to this. We truly must STOP THE PUNISH TRAIN with regards to the chronically mentally ill. It really is a character flaw on society. Complicated, of course. Worthwhile? Absolutely.
And speaking of absolutes...
WE NEED A NEW KIND OF HOSPITAL
A PLACE TO CARE FOR ALL THE "JEFF'S"
This should be "JOB-1" Basic.
Time to wipe the slate and start over.
The system in Oklahoma is broken almost beyond repair.
Sounds like the perfect time to think outside the box.
Unless you think something's working and going well?
If so, please enlighten me RIGHT AWAY, and I'd be glad to blog about it.
This is the season of Advent. It it weren't for forgiveness,
our Jeff would probably not be alive, today.
His faith has saved him.
Thank God for this.
What a forgiving man he is, despite everything.
So, as the Christmas season begins, and we are decking the halls, sending out cards, going to parties, exchanging gifts, celebrating with families, friends, loves, coworkers...
let's not forget that some folks have less than nothing
We can't remember the last holiday (or birthday!) Jeff was able to spend with family.
He's been in a hospital or jail cell due to delusional thoughts and behavior for countless years. Jails aren't equipped to give proper care to the mentally ill. So wrong...and yet our Jeff will be incarcerated yet AGAIN, this Christmas.
* 2017 wasn't better than 2016.
* 2016 was worse than 2015.
* 2015 was extremely horrifyingly bad...
* and on and on and on...for 29 years, running.
* What will 2018 be like?
Empathy begins by really understanding how something feels.
When society fears and shows contempt for those "scary" people that are impossible to understand, that only makes things worse. Ever hear of soothing the beast? Yeah, that. It's called love.
Sometimes that's the hardest thing to show, but it's the most needed.
I personally believe it's our duty to help.
That's what I was taught by my parents and in church, growing up.
The bible's GOLDEN RULE:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, stands the test of time.
We all fall down, and need a hand at times, right?
While we are all stressing over getting everything done before December 24th, my brother stresses over the delusional terror inside his mind, thinking his family is being murdered every single day. This is not an exaggeration. This is what the forced "meds" have done for THIS person.Here's the daily reality for Jeff:
He doesn't get to choose his meals, or his clothes.
He doesn't get to buy or open Christmas presents,
or be with family waking up Christmas morning.
He doesn't get to go shopping, make cookies,
have a glass of wine, or a hot chocolate in front of the fireplace with friends.
JEFF DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS...
He doesn't get to complain about tangled Christmas lights, or smell the evergreen tree wafting through the house...
JEFF HAS NEVER OWNED A HOUSE...
Last week I got a flat tire. Sure, I complained. In less than an hour, AAA saved the day... But my brother has never owned a car, so that gives me PERSPECTIVE.
I need to count my blessings EVERY SINGLE DAY, because even the most irritating and mundane tasks, Jeff LONGS for.
He’s Mister Invisible, walking everywhere he goes.
Having a million dollars wouldn't be the answer to this. It's THAT complicated.
Jeff needs to be taken care of, in a place that doesn't harm him, and that understands
DNA, allergies, nutrition, trauma, medical illnesses that manifest as psychosis,
and has all forms of therapies other than just forced pharmaceuticals.
December 1971, Jeff, our sister Penny, and I all got bikes for Christmas, as kids.
Jeff was almost 3 years old, the year before our parents' divorce.
(Thanks, Penny, for the date & photo.)
What a joy to see now, and remember those sweet moments a lifetime ago.
Innocence lost.
Jeff won't be waking up to any Christmas magic AGAIN this year.
There will be no "let's drive around and look at the holiday decorations."
It's the sad truth. Not a pity party...
Our simple prayer:
That he will be able to enjoy the holidays with family.
That he will be able to enjoy the holidays with family.
Maybe next year. #2018
**************************
I don't know if this makes sense to you, but it surely moves me...
( https://www.christianity.com/christian-life/christmas/what-is-advent.html )
"...the Advent season focuses on expectation...
in a similar situation to Isreal at the end of the Old Testament:
in exile, waiting and hoping in prayerful expectation..."
O come, O come Emmanual,
And ransom captive Isreal,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appears.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Isreal.
Peace out.
Jackie Welton DiPillo
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